One of the biggest mistakes made by parents may be rather obvious. We dedicate ourselves to raising children when we should actually be trying to raise adults. While these two concepts may sound like similar, there’s a huge difference between them once you dig in.

If you are currently parenting a child, you will be concerned with the day to day issues of how your child behaves, how your child is performing in school, what time is the curfew, and how many hours a day is spent playing video games. If you’re focused on raising an adult, there will be a single important question on your mind:

“What type of a person do I want this child to become?”

That single question has the power to change almost every parenting decision you make.

Thinking beyond the moment

Parenting can be a constant struggle against issues that require immediate attention. Your child won’t eat. Your eight-year-old doesn’t listen. Your teen craves too much autonomy. At these moments, the instinct is to focus solely on getting through the immediate problem. 

But what if one thought beyond the moment?

Rather than thinking how we could get our children to follow instructions, we start asking ourselves how to prepare the kids for thriving in the future.

It becomes very clear that the purpose isn’t simply obedience. The purpose is growth. It is no longer about raising obedient children. Instead, it is about growing individuals who can reason and make wise choices.

Independence Doesn’t Just Happen Overnight

Many parents are caught off guard when their children have difficulty becoming independent in early adulthood. 

The fact is that independence isn’t something that just happens suddenly overnight on a person’s eighteenth birthday. Independence is gained through experience, through making choices, solving problems, and learning from mistakes.

Each choice that a child makes teaches them how to become an adult. Each problem that they solve without a parent’s help builds self-confidence. Each mistake they make and learn from becomes wisdom that they will never gain from lecture alone.

Growth comes from experience.

Experience usually means pulling back.

The Temptation of Control

Let’s face it.

Parents tend to lose track when it comes to trusting instead of controlling. They feel more comfortable taking charge of their children. They think that telling children what to do will make life simpler and easier. They prefer to get rid of any dangers to avoid letting children fail.

However, one should not overlook the drawback of over-controlling children.

Children who lack chances to exercise independent thinking are likely to encounter serious problems when they find themselves in difficult conditions. They become dependent on outside directions. They second-guess themselves. They fear making errors. 

So in a way parents careful, overprotective attempts at keeping their children safe can sometimes chip away at children’s sense of self-confidence.

Mistakes Are Part of the Process

It can be hard to see a child deal with loss, stress, or any kind of sadness. What we instinctively do is to jump in and help them but in many cases, allowing them to learn about themselves, their abilities, and the world they live will provide them with much better results in their futures.. Mistakes are not indicative of poor parenting; they are an indication of effective learning.

Take a look at your own life for example. Your greatest lessons are likely to be those where you had to face a challenging situation rather than when things went smoothly for you. Children are not an exception. Mistakes give them an opportunity to gain valuable experience.

The Real Measure of Success

Parents judge success on grades, accomplishments, trophies, or awards. There’s no denying that such aspects are significant.

However, they don’t reflect the entire picture.

Rather than asking about these, you may wish to ask:

• How will my child turn out as an adult?
• Are they kind?
• Are they responsible?
• Can they think independently?
• Can they cope when things get difficult?
• Do they show kindness to other people?
• Do they know how to form relationships?

These traits will stay long after all the other aspects have faded from memory.

Conclusion

It is important for parents to remember what we are essentially doing is preparing future adults. Our conversations, our restrictions, our teachings, and even our actions – all of this contributes to this process.

The stage at which the parents start viewing parenting not as raising children, but raising adults, is crucial. In such a case, their decisions will not be driven by the need to exert control over others, but rather prepare them. Any misstep would then be seen as a lesson instead of a disaster, while independence would not be a frightening prospect.

Ultimately, they get to build a relationship that will endure beyond childhood years. Since ultimately, the only true measure of parenting success is whether or not the grown-up person will want us around anymore.